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eliyesTitle: The Condom Fairy Attacks
Fandom: Marvel U (X-Factor v3)
Characters: Jamie Maddrox, Julio Richter, others
Prompt: Day late, dollar short.
Word Count: 703
Rating: M
Summary: Ric and Jamie run into someone ...interesting. (Jamie pov.)
Author's Notes: This takes place in the 5 month time skip, and can be considered an AU starting from when that began, because I really think that in that time, some of the "team" would have been smart enough change what they look like some, given that the FBI is looking for them.
"You know, I think this may be the first time I've ever seen you wear a hat," Jamie commented, eying the ballcap on Rictor's head. It was black and had some sort of swirly symbol on it which Ric claimed had to do with a Japanese cartoon. He had tucked his hair up under it -- he was currently growing it out -- and that, combined with his newly-grown goatee made Jamie feel a bit like he was walking next to a stranger. Since they were currently hiding from a government agency, that wasn't really a bad thing, but it was unsettling.
The polo shirt just made it worse.
"I've worn them before," Ric said neutrally, eyes flicking around. It was late summer, and late enough at night to be full dark, but the area they were strolling through had turned into some sort of street festival. A lot of happy, drunk people, some in costumes, were going to make it a little challenging to meet up with their contact here, but it was too late to reschedule or relocate. The guy didn't have a cell phone.
"Look comin'," Ric said suddenly. Jamie followed his gaze to see a group of people wearing colourful fake fairy wings disperse though the crowd -- and one was bearing down on them. His particular wings were lime green with DayGlo pink swirls that matched his glittery pink latex shorts.
As a superhero, Jamie had encountered people wearing all manner of tight-fitting costumes, up to and including latex. However, most people -- and especially most guys -- wore something underneath so that their goods weren't clearly displayed the way this apparition's were. It was like a train wreck, to use a common cliché. He tucked right and was obviously uncircumcised.
He was also giving something to Rictor, with a chipper, "here ya go!"
"Thanks," Ric replied, and, "I like your socks."
"Thanks!"
Jamie turned to watch him go, noting the green and white striped stockings and discovering that there were panels missing from the back of the shorts. He swiveled back around quickly.
"Here," Ric said, handing him a small square packet.
"He gave you a condom?" Jamie asked, bemused, as Ric tucked it into his hand.
"He gave me one for each of us. You know how to use a condom, right?"
"Of course I know how to --" Jamie paused. "You do mean for sex, right?"
"Yes, I mean for sex. Just in case, here's a quick demo." Rictor stopped walking and so Jamie stopped, too, mildly terrified about what might happen next.
"First, carefully tear the package from the edge," Ric said, matching actions to words. "Also, don't use your teeth 'cuz you could tear or puncture the condom."
"Uh, is this really the place..."
"Next, remove condom from wrapper."
"Ric, I know how --"
"Step three, pinch tip and roll condom down over your dick. Or, in this instance, my arm."
"Whoa." Jamie hadn't realized condoms stretched quite that much.
"Step four, have sex. Step five, remove in such a way that the contents don't spill. Not like this," he added, having to peel it off so it turned inside out. There was a smattering of applause from around them as Ric gestured as if to say 'tada!'
"Finally, step six: do not get anyone else pregnant, ever. Or I will help hide your corpse." He seemed serious.
"I have no intention of cheating on the mother of my child!" Jamie protested.
"That'd be more convincing if you hadn't already done it." Ric flapped the condom at Jamie before dropping it in a nearby trash can. "Hey -- is that him?"
Later that night, Jamie looked up as Rictor walked in with one of his dupes. Ric kicked off his shoes, but the dupe just came right over to be reabsorbed. He reeled for a moment with the flood of memories, and then...
"Ric!" Jamie yelled. "Stop traumatizing my dupes!"
"You're the one who sent us to meet a guy at a leather bar!" Ric retorted, snagging a bottle of Pepsi from the fridge.
"That's not what I meant!"
"Why do you smell like latex?" Monet asked. Jamie shook his head. It was turning into one of those weeks.
Cross-posted to![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-community.gif)
random_30.
Fandom: Marvel U (X-Factor v3)
Characters: Jamie Maddrox, Julio Richter, others
Prompt: Day late, dollar short.
Word Count: 703
Rating: M
Summary: Ric and Jamie run into someone ...interesting. (Jamie pov.)
Author's Notes: This takes place in the 5 month time skip, and can be considered an AU starting from when that began, because I really think that in that time, some of the "team" would have been smart enough change what they look like some, given that the FBI is looking for them.
"You know, I think this may be the first time I've ever seen you wear a hat," Jamie commented, eying the ballcap on Rictor's head. It was black and had some sort of swirly symbol on it which Ric claimed had to do with a Japanese cartoon. He had tucked his hair up under it -- he was currently growing it out -- and that, combined with his newly-grown goatee made Jamie feel a bit like he was walking next to a stranger. Since they were currently hiding from a government agency, that wasn't really a bad thing, but it was unsettling.
The polo shirt just made it worse.
"I've worn them before," Ric said neutrally, eyes flicking around. It was late summer, and late enough at night to be full dark, but the area they were strolling through had turned into some sort of street festival. A lot of happy, drunk people, some in costumes, were going to make it a little challenging to meet up with their contact here, but it was too late to reschedule or relocate. The guy didn't have a cell phone.
"Look comin'," Ric said suddenly. Jamie followed his gaze to see a group of people wearing colourful fake fairy wings disperse though the crowd -- and one was bearing down on them. His particular wings were lime green with DayGlo pink swirls that matched his glittery pink latex shorts.
As a superhero, Jamie had encountered people wearing all manner of tight-fitting costumes, up to and including latex. However, most people -- and especially most guys -- wore something underneath so that their goods weren't clearly displayed the way this apparition's were. It was like a train wreck, to use a common cliché. He tucked right and was obviously uncircumcised.
He was also giving something to Rictor, with a chipper, "here ya go!"
"Thanks," Ric replied, and, "I like your socks."
"Thanks!"
Jamie turned to watch him go, noting the green and white striped stockings and discovering that there were panels missing from the back of the shorts. He swiveled back around quickly.
"Here," Ric said, handing him a small square packet.
"He gave you a condom?" Jamie asked, bemused, as Ric tucked it into his hand.
"He gave me one for each of us. You know how to use a condom, right?"
"Of course I know how to --" Jamie paused. "You do mean for sex, right?"
"Yes, I mean for sex. Just in case, here's a quick demo." Rictor stopped walking and so Jamie stopped, too, mildly terrified about what might happen next.
"First, carefully tear the package from the edge," Ric said, matching actions to words. "Also, don't use your teeth 'cuz you could tear or puncture the condom."
"Uh, is this really the place..."
"Next, remove condom from wrapper."
"Ric, I know how --"
"Step three, pinch tip and roll condom down over your dick. Or, in this instance, my arm."
"Whoa." Jamie hadn't realized condoms stretched quite that much.
"Step four, have sex. Step five, remove in such a way that the contents don't spill. Not like this," he added, having to peel it off so it turned inside out. There was a smattering of applause from around them as Ric gestured as if to say 'tada!'
"Finally, step six: do not get anyone else pregnant, ever. Or I will help hide your corpse." He seemed serious.
"I have no intention of cheating on the mother of my child!" Jamie protested.
"That'd be more convincing if you hadn't already done it." Ric flapped the condom at Jamie before dropping it in a nearby trash can. "Hey -- is that him?"
Later that night, Jamie looked up as Rictor walked in with one of his dupes. Ric kicked off his shoes, but the dupe just came right over to be reabsorbed. He reeled for a moment with the flood of memories, and then...
"Ric!" Jamie yelled. "Stop traumatizing my dupes!"
"You're the one who sent us to meet a guy at a leather bar!" Ric retorted, snagging a bottle of Pepsi from the fridge.
"That's not what I meant!"
"Why do you smell like latex?" Monet asked. Jamie shook his head. It was turning into one of those weeks.
Cross-posted to
random_30.