fanfic: DCU, "In the Mouths of Gift Horses"

[eliyes]

I issued a challenge, decided to take it myself, rambled on too long for a commentfic, and now inflict this on y'all. Blue & Gold versus black-and-red. Non-slash! *gasp!*

In the Mouths of Gift Horses
by eliyes

You know what sucked about being a retired superhero in Gotham? Batman's villains, that's what. Ted mentally kicked himself for not keeping track of which of them were currently on the loose from Arkham as he pelted across Davis Avenue. He hadn't, because he felt that would be too "Blue Beetle" of him, but now he was realising it was just the smart thing to do in this city.

He really should have known better, and not just about that. A beautiful blonde with a knockout sense of humour and an appealingly colourful sense of fashion -- he should have realised it was too good to be true. Her "knockout sense of humour" proved to tend towards knockout gas, and her usual mode of dress was more along the lines of black and red checks, writ large.

He'd got to second base with Harley Quinn, and now she was hunting him through the city with hyenas.

Ted was really glad he'd noticed the animals before he'd gotten any further -- into her apartment or out of his clothes, take your pick. God, what an idiot! And so now he was running his ass off in the streets of Gotham, less than a month after moving here. She had the home turf advantage; he didn't know the city well and kept getting thrown off by things that reminded him of Chicago, or New York. She'd already cut him off a couple of times. Also, he didn't want any bystanders getting hurt. Also also, he wasn't exactly in peak physical form here.

He ducked into an alley and took a moment, sucking in huge lungfuls of air as quietly as possibly and pressing a hand over his pounding heart. He strained his ears for signs of pursuit and tried to think. Davis Avenue, heading away from Monolith Square -- well, he could turn North and head for one of the bridges to Old Gotham, but he wasn't sure that'd really help... His office building and his apartment were to the South, so he didn't have high hopes of getting to either one and some equipment to defend himself with. Maybe he should double back, past the square, break into the Wayne Botanical Gardens so she couldn't herd him down these streets. Bruce would forgive him, right?

"Teddy~" Harley caroled from the street. It sounded like she was a block or more back. "Come out, come out, wherever you are!" There was a smash and a car alarm started up, not quite covering her laughter. He hotfooted it down to the other end of the alley and back down the next street. There was a bus stop, but no bus in sight, and anyway he couldn't risk passengers on a slow moving public transport vehicle.

This was basically the worst birthday ever.

He made it three blocks West before he needed to rest again, ducking into an alley and huffing hard. Oh, this sucked. We're talking cosmic force suction here, a real black hole event. He was going to keel over before he made it to the Gardens, his right hand was still worrisomely numb from an earlier attempt at hand-to-hand combat, and when the hell at Harleen Quinzel gotten superpowers, huh? Because Ted was pretty well acquainted with peak human physical ability, and nobody that petite was naturally that strong.

A whiff of animal stench suddenly made him remember the hyenas. He looked up, and there they were, one at the mouth of the alley and the other coming down it from the other end. For a beat, he didn't move, and then a shadow passed overhead and he sprinted for the fire-escape, towards the advancing hyena. He leapt, and the ladder stuck, as he'd guessed it would, so he started pulling himself up hand over hand.

There was a noise utterly unlike a dog's snarl, and then he was kicking out, instinctively. Luckily, his foot connected under the slavering maw. He hauled himself up another wrung as the second beast sprang at him --

A blur of gold-and-dark accompanied a meaty thwack, and Ted gaped as Booster Gold -- in civvies! -- fought off two hyenas with an aluminum bat, dodging straight up into the air to avoid getting bitten, and then coming down hard on a furry skull. In less than a minute, both animals were unconscious on the ground and Ted was still gaping at the man hanging in the air next to him.

"Hi Ted," Booster said, voice somewhere between casual and sheepish.

"You --" Why the hell was he in Gotham? Why was he here, saving Ted's biscuit? Puzzles for a later time, he decided. "Thanks." Booster held out and arm and Ted transferred from fire escape to Booster Express with the ease of long practice, despite his bruises.

A wolf whistle from the far end of the alley brought Ted's head up.

"Gee, Teddy, you really like blonds, huh?" Harley teased, doing a handspring forward. When she landed, she spotted the hyenas. The horrified shriek of "My BABIES!" was ear-splitting.

"Time to go," Booster said, and flew them up, up and away.

"They aren't dead!" Ted yelled down. At least, he was pretty sure they weren't. They'd been breathing. He twisted slightly to grin at Booster. "You beat up hyenas."

Booster snorted with something close to disgust. "Like that's a surprise. I grew up in Gotham. I just didn't realise street hyenas were a problem this early on."

Ted blinked, processing this. Hyenas as a regular thing in a North American city? Wow. That sucked.

"Uh," he felt compelled to point out. "Those were her pets, actually."

"What?" Booster looked surprised, and then his face clouded over. "If she's responsible for the street hyenas, I ought to go back."

"No," Ted said tiredly. "I think you'd actually better take me to the hospital. I can't feel my hand," he added apologetically. "And we should tell the cops she's there."

Booster sighed and, getting a firmer grip around Ted, veered toward Gotham General.

"So much for your surprise party," he said.

"What? What surprise party?"

"The one Dinah and I were throwing you. Of course, you never came home after work, so after a couple of hours we just told everyone to eat the cake. Oh, and drink all your beer." His voice managed to convey the arching of eyebrows even though Ted couldn't see his face. "What, you thought it was coincidence that I was wandering around Gotham and found you in an alley? I was looking for you."

Ted groaned. "Oh my God, worst birthday ever! I can't believe I missed my own party! Did you --" He stopped, feeling the quake of laughter in Booster. "You jerk! There was no party, was there?"

"No," Booster admitted. "The party's tomorrow." He touched them down beside the ER doors. "Hey, if your hand is broken, we can all sign your cast!"




Originally posted on boostle.

Comments

[syvia.livejournal.com]

XD That was awesome. *applauds~!*

[eliyes.livejournal.com]

Thanks! ;D