CLUTCH, the movie

[eliyes]

Chances are, you've never heard of CLUTCH. It's a fairly obscure Canadian film made in 1998. Sure, it won a couple of awards. You've still probably never heard of it.

Unless, like me, you know that the first name showing in the opening credits was "DAVID HEWLETT".

And that's probably why you watched it.

(Some people who comment on IMDb.com apparently watched it because ExpressVu was promoting how Tom Green was in it, and were tipped into blackest angst when he was in, like, a minute of screentime. As an unnamed character. Which I thought was great, because I can't stand him.)

But there was a wonderful surprise for me, because you see, there are basically 4 protagonists, in two pairs, one of whom are together throughout the film, and one of whom actually seem to become a couple. David Hewlett is in one of these, and GORDON MICHAEL WOOLVETT is in the other.

:D :D :D :D

And they're roommates. (DH and GMW.)

Hewlett plays Martyn (yes, Martyn, not Martin) and Woolvett plays Spit.

The first time we see Martyn, he is being beaten with a wooden walking cane by a bad guy from Traders.

The first time we see Spit, he is looking at cock-sucking stallions on the internet. And when I say "stallions" you need to know the website was called "On The Farm" and I mean male horses. He seems to be trying to get Martyn's brother Larry to look, but Larry watches something I suspect was La Blue Girl instead, and then Martyn brings home a corpse.

Spit: Presents? :D

There's a lot of moments in this that I'd like to quote, but I am aware, from having read quotes before watching, that they really lose something if you haven't experienced the delivery.

I think you should know that there is a midget in this movie. He wears a suit, and the first time we see him, he gets out of a car, walks up behind a dude, and bashes him over the head with a stick. This wasn't just random violence, it's part of the plot. Dude gets murdered with (I think) Drano? Gruesome. This is a violent film, with a lot of swearing and blood. It has some really nice editing, though.

The point seems to be that books can change your life, and if you're unhappy, making other people unhappy will not make you happier, not really.

Which totally doesn't explain the gay skinhead funeral. But that had NIAMHJohn O'CallaghanTHE REPLICATOR FROM SGA in it. :3 He was the only one with hair. :3 Froppy, artsy hair. X3

And once again, Hewlett was prettier than his romantic interest of this film. Not that Tanya Allen isn't pretty. David's just prettier. Even with the facial hair and having been beaten in the face at the start of the movie. PERHAPS THEY HAD MET BEFORE, AS SHE WAS ALSO IN KUNG FU: THE LEGEND CONTINUES Okay, I'll stop playing 6 degrees of dGeek now. ;3

Oh!

Filmmakers seem to have a contractual obligation to make David Hewlett, in whatever he's in, be:
a. wet
b. naked
c. wet and naked
d. bloody

This is an "a" and "d". He's wearing a suit and long coat throughout, even when riding a tiny bicycle up a hill. But he washes his face because he is, of course, bleeding, and we see this from below. It's a neat angle.

His uncanny ability to down an entire glass of something without stopping to breathe or gagging was, alas, not employed in this film.

Comments

[kimberlyfdr.livejournal.com]

Where did you manage to track down this movie? I've been looking forever for it (there's about three or four DH movies I still need to track down).

[eliyes.livejournal.com]

Uh-oh. ^^; A fellow DH fan (name omitted to protect the guilty, as promised by yours truly) gave me it. I didn't think I'd watch it again, so I didn't hang onto it. If you want, I can see if I can get it again and we can work out a way to get it to you?

[kimberlyfdr.livejournal.com]

Ahem, nevermind. It was made available when I was at my conference. Have managed to find the pertinent information now ;)

[eliyes.livejournal.com]

This makes me doubleglad I didn't put more spoilers in my post. :D Tell me what you think, hey?