Hamlet by Adam McNaughtan

[eliyes]

There was this king sitting in his garden all alone
When his brother in his ear put a little bit of poison
And stole his brother's crown, and his money, and his widow,
But the dead king walked and got his son, and said, "Now listen kid,
I've been killed, and it's your duty to take revenge on Claudius
Kill him quick and clean and tell the nation what a fraud he is."
The kid said, "Right, I'll do it -- but I'll have to play it crafty.
So that nobody suspects me, I'll pretend that I am daft!"

So to all except Horatio (he counts him as a friend),
Hamlet (that's the kid), he pretends he's round the bend.
Because he isn't ready for obligatory killing,
He tries to make his uncle think tuppence off the shilling:
Takes the rise out of Polonius, treats poor Ophelia vile,
Tells Rosencrantz and Guildenstern that Denmark's blooded bile,
'Til a group of traveling actors, like the ones who stand before,
Arrive to do a special one-night gig in Elsinore.

Oh! Hamlet, Hamlet, very barmy!
Hamlet, Hamlet, loves his mommy!
Hamlet, hamlet, hesitating --
Wonder's if the ghost's a cheat and that is why he's waiting.

So, Hamlet writes a scene for the players to enact,
So Horatio and him and watch and see if Claudius cracked.
The play is called "The Mousetrap" (not the one that's running now),
And sure enough the king walked out before the final bow.
So, Hamlet's got his proof his uncle gave his dad the dose.
The only problem being now that Claudius knows he knows;
So while Hamlet tells his mother her new husbands not a fit man,
Uncle Claude takes out a contract with the English king as hitman.

So, when Hamlet killed Polonius, the concealed corpus delecti
Was the king's excuse for sending for an English hempen necktie,
With Rosencrantz and Guildenstern to make quite sure he got there --
But Hamlet jumped the boat and put the finger right on that pair.
Well, Laertes heard his dad's killed in the bedroom with the heiress;
He comes running back to Elsinore, toute suite, hotfoot from Paris.
When Ophelia finds her dad's killed by the man she's gonna marry,
After saying it with flowers, she committed harikari.

Oh! Hamlet, Hamlet -- no messin'!
Hamlet, Hamlet, learned his lesson!
Hamlet, Hamlet, Yorick's crust
Convinced him all men good and bad at last must turn to dust.

[Mandolin solo]

So Laertes lost his head and was demanding retribution,
But the king said, "Keep your cool and I'll supply you a solution."
So he arranged a sword fight for all interested parties,
With a blunted sword for Hamlet, and a sharp one for Laertes.
To make double-sure, the old belden braced his line;
He fixed up a poison sword-tip, and a poison cup of wine.
The poison sword got Hamlet, but Laertes went and fluffed it,
'Cause he got killed himself, and he confessed before he snuffed it.

So, when Hamlet's mummy drank the wine, adn as her face turned blue,
Hamlet said, "I think the king's a villain through-and-through!"
"Incestuous, murderous, damned Dane!" he said, to be precise.
Made up for hesitating once by killing Claudius twice!
He stapped with the knife and put the wine between his lips,
Then he said, "The rest is silence," -- that was Hamlet, had his chips --
Then they fired a volly over him that shook the topmost rafter,
And Fortinbras, knee-deep in Danes, lived happily ever after.
Fortibras, knee-deep in Danes, lived happily ever after!

Oh! Hamlet, Hamlet, very gory!
Hamlet, Hamlet, end of story!
Hamlet, Hamlet, I'm on my way --
If you think that was boring, you should see the fucking play!