Dear author,
Dec. 20th, 2008 06:54 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
eliyesI wish to offer you this piece of advice. When you write a sex scene, please keep in mind that the moment of orgasm is NOT a good time to indulge in alliteration.
*gales of laughter*
edit: Also, the phrase "organic pleasure button"? Really much funnier than probably intended.
edit2: You can't actually scare me off with all this "feels like our souls are melting together" talk during sex scenes, you know -- I've read Sentinel fic. *wags finger*
edit3: The term "liquefied being" really puts me more in mind of Soylent Green than it does semen.
edit4: *whooping with laughter* Oh Lord, "deflated penis"? Really? I am picturing a thpbpbpbpbpbpbpt noise, here. XD
*gales of laughter*
edit: Also, the phrase "organic pleasure button"? Really much funnier than probably intended.
edit2: You can't actually scare me off with all this "feels like our souls are melting together" talk during sex scenes, you know -- I've read Sentinel fic. *wags finger*
edit3: The term "liquefied being" really puts me more in mind of Soylent Green than it does semen.
edit4: *whooping with laughter* Oh Lord, "deflated penis"? Really? I am picturing a thpbpbpbpbpbpbpt noise, here. XD