Dear author,

[eliyes]

I wish to offer you this piece of advice. When you write a sex scene, please keep in mind that the moment of orgasm is NOT a good time to indulge in alliteration.

*gales of laughter*

edit: Also, the phrase "organic pleasure button"? Really much funnier than probably intended.

edit2: You can't actually scare me off with all this "feels like our souls are melting together" talk during sex scenes, you know -- I've read Sentinel fic. *wags finger*

edit3: The term "liquefied being" really puts me more in mind of Soylent Green than it does semen.

edit4: *whooping with laughter* Oh Lord, "deflated penis"? Really? I am picturing a thpbpbpbpbpbpbpt noise, here. XD

Comments

[eliyes.livejournal.com]

An Affair to Remember (http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0050105/) rewritten with Stargate: Atlantis characters and a lot of gay sex. I basically stopped reading it when they vowed to meet in six months at the top of the Empire State Building, because I didn't want to deal with "stood him up because (s)he was paralyzed in an accident and was too proud to let him know" portion of the story, which I always disliked.

The first part was pretty much worth it for the amount of laughing I did during the sex scenes, tough. They were so earnest! XD